We Might As Well Be Strangers
by Arrant Schemata
Summary: Jack's thoughts after the events of Affinity, I know it's been done but this is my take on it.


_Season: Eight (after Affinity)_

_Category: Angst, Romance_

_Spoilers: Affinity_

_Character: Jack O'Neill_

_Pairing: Sam/Jack_

_Authors' Note: Another idea that struck me while listening to Keane – Hopes and Fears. It banged about in my head until I just had to let it out, not my usual happy stuff but that can't be helped sometimes. Please review as I'm not so sure of myself when it comes to angst as I myself like __happy shippy fics but you can't dictate the muse! _

_Author's Note 2: I've reposted this as I've realised that it breaks the guidelines on song lyrics, I've adapted the story a little and hope it will be sufficient to avoid it from being removed. _

We Might As Well Be Strangers 

"How appropriate," he thought bitterly as he listened to the lyrics. He had decided to listen to the CD in an effort to take his mind off her. So far all it had succeeded in him doing was thinking of her more. He couldn't get her out of his head. Everywhere he looked, everything he touched, everything he listened to brought her to the forefront of his mind.

_I don't know your face no more_

_Or feel the touch that I adore_

_I don't know your face no more_

_It's just a place I'm looking for_

He didn't understand why. Over the years he had perfected the art of burying his thoughts and feelings about her to the deep recesses of his mind. But now, no matter how hard he tried, he was assaulted by the memories of their years together. The way the sun made her eyes glisten, how the moonlight reflected in her hair, her laugh when he told one of his jokes, the looks she would give him when she thought no one was looking, the smile she saved for him, the way she shot her P90, the way she would explain her latest discovery in words that he could understand. All the things that made him fall in love her.

He finally admits it, he loves her. He admits it now, when he's lost her. Not to a Goa'uld, the Replicators or any of the enemies out there, not even to disease or possession. Those he could cope with. No, he'd lost her to another man. That he couldn't take. All those years pining for her, needing her like he needed oxygen. All those times when they had come so close to breaking the regulations, all those times he thought he'd lost her, only to find her again. He'd endured all these because he thought that when it was finally over they would have their chance. They would be together, Jack and Sam.

But that chance had slipped through his fingers. He'd let her slip through his fingers. He'd never thought the Pete thing would last, but when he had seen that ring he knew it would.

_I don't know your thoughts these days_

_We're strangers in an empty space_

_I don't understand your heart_

_It's easier to be apart_

What had she wanted from him? His approval? His blessing? For him to say no, you're making a mistake? Hell, he didn't know. He was truthful when he said he wouldn't be there if things were different. Did she want all the years of denial and walls between them to fall and for him to take her in his arms?

He couldn't figure it out. He didn't usually have trouble figuring her out; he'd made an art of it over the past eight years. But now he couldn't read her heart. It was that realisation that made him make his comment. And he knew as soon as he made it he was breaking his own heart. He didn't know how much he loved her until he'd lost her. Such a cliché.

But as long as she was happy he would be fine. He repeated this lie to himself over and over again every time he saw her and saw the ring on her finger.

He'd lost his chance. He could have grabbed it with both hands but instead he let it slip by. He only had himself to blame. He couldn't expect her to put her life on hold for him. She'd already done that enough for the SGC. He couldn't ask her to do that for him, he wouldn't.

_We might as well be strangers in another town_

_We might as well be living in a different world_

_We might as well_

_We might as well_

_We might as well_

_Be strangers_

_Be strangers_

He knew they might as well be strangers now. They would never go back to how it was between them before. They would never be able to read each other's hearts and minds with no words.

They would become like the lyrics of the song. He put it on repeat and leaned back as the reality began to sink in. They might as well be strangers.

_With thanks to supershipper-JA2-JC-WJ for beat-ing this for me. _


End file.
